Humor Ripped From Today's Headlines

Director For ASPCA Commercial Demands Sadder Looking Dogs

LOS ANGELES—According to witnesses, commercial director Nathan Foster, 40, is irate over the insufficiently pathetic condition of the dogs being used in the 30-second television spot he is directing for the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. "These dogs are barely morose, and they need to be fucking pitiful!" Foster was overheard yelling at his casting coordinator during the shoot. "They look like they could start frolicking all over the place any minute! You couldn't get me even one mutt with a missing eye or three legs or something?" At press time, sources said that Foster has ordered production assistants to viciously beat the dogs for several hours so the animals can at least cower convincingly

As the term 'puppymiller' gets looser, and the raids become more frequent, the plights of the 'misery puppies' become less and less traumatic. And the shortage of three legged dogs brings this Onion headline closer and closer to reality.

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Dogs are more dangerous than Terrorists

In a weird twist of logic, Camp Lejeune has banned pit bulls and other "agressive" dogs from its base housing.

The ban comes after a 3-year-old boy was fatally bitten last May in base housing by a pit bull owned by a family friend from off base who was visiting.

Flateau said the "brutal, violent attack" prompted the change and added that in the past year there have been 12 reported dog attacks on base.

"To the extent possible, we want to prevent unnecessary injuries resulting from dangerous or potentially dangerous animals," Flateau said. "These specific breeds present an unreasonable risk to the health and safety of our residents."

Maybe it's wartime paranoia? A dog can pose an unreasonable risk to the health and safety of the Marines that regularly ship out to Iraq and Afghanistan?

Warfighter body count
Civilian body count
Warfighters wounded

But hey, nothing is more important than the lives of our soldiers.

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7 month old killed in dog attack

In this tragic story from San Antonio, it seems the grandmother left the child alone with the two dogs while she went to warm up his bottle. The article does not say where the child was when left alone with the dogs, whether in a crib, or on the floor.

The dogs are described as 'large breed', one report calling them 'pit bulls'.

The grandmother stabbed the dogs with a kitchen knife in an attempt to get the baby away from them, and in doing so was injured severely enough to require hospitalization.

Is Irradiation Safe?

A new study is being reported about serious side effects in cats that ate a diet of irradiated food.

Irradiated food causes demyelinating neurological disorder in cats

Scientists studying a mysterious neurological affliction in pregnant cats that have been fed irradiated food have discovered a surprising ability of the central nervous system to repair itself and restore function when placed back on a normal diet.

In a study published today (March 30, 2009) in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, a team of researchers from the University of Wisconsin-Madison reports that the restoration in cats of myelin - a fatty insulator of nerve fibers that degrades in a host of human central nervous system disorders, the most common of which is multiple sclerosis - can lead to functional recovery.

“The fundamental point of the study is that it proves unequivocally that extensive remyelination can lead to recovery from a severe neurological disorder,” says Ian Duncan, the UW-Madison neuroscientist who led the research. “It indicates the profound ability of the central nervous system to repair itself.”

The new study arose from a mysterious affliction of pregnant cats. A company testing the effects on growth and development in cats using diets that had been irradiated reported that some cats developed severe neurological dysfunction, including movement disorders, vision loss and paralysis. Taken off the diet, the cats recovered slowly, but eventually all lost functions were restored.

Now the first thing some technophile is going to say is "but we're not cats!"

Of course we're not. But cats are like our canaies. You are what eat I guess (lol). Cats are much more sensitive to chemicals and such than we, or even dogs are. Speaking personally, if it kills my cat, I don't want it anywhere near my kids.

This study comes as no suprise, though, to students of Francis Pottenger. Pottengers' studies with cats has been responsible for converting many a pet owner to a BARF diet for their pets, and taking a long and hard look at their own diet.

Homeowners pets brutally murdered.

“They shot the dogs for no reason at all"

Rita Patterson said she was cooking dinner in the kitchen when she heard loud noises at the side door. Hanavan was upstairs taking a nap, and at first she thought he may have fallen out of bed.

Before she knew what was happening, police wearing masks and helmets and carrying automatic weapons had broken through the door. They tied her hands with a zip tie and put her on the floor.

Her father pleaded with police not to shoot the dogs, but they wouldn’t allow him to grab the dogs and put them in another room, Patterson said.

One of the officers started firing a shotgun at the two dogs, one a pit bull and the other a pit bull-boxer mix.

One of the dogs was shot three times: once in the throat, once in the back and the last time in the leg while trying to run away, Rita Patterson said.

The other dog was cowering behind a table. Neither was a threat to the police, the residents said.

Oh wait. They were pitbulls. :-(

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Probiotics for your dog

Dr. Mercola has a great article on pet health to consider:

Dogs, cats and snakes are carnivores, with sharp, interlocking teeth designed to grasp prey.

Cats and snakes are obligate carnivores, which means they must consume a meat diet to maintain health, whereas dogs are scavenging carnivores, who, in addition to a meat based diet, can consume other types of foods without dire consequences.

What Happens if My Pet’s Gut Bacteria Gets Out of Balance?

Immune reactions provoked by an imbalance in intestinal bacteria can seriously compromise your pet’s health.

Inflammatory conditions and several types of arthritis have been linked to abnormal GI responses in both people and pets. Intestinal permeability is increased in a wide range of diseases. When excessive amounts of antigens (small reactive proteins) are absorbed, all sorts of systemic reactions can occur.

An overgrowth of bad intestinal bacteria can contain proteins that your pet’s immune system may mistake for healthy proteins, sparking an abnormal immune response.

This inflammatory cascade can create a number of symptoms and degenerative changes in your pet’s body.

In people, the link between dysbiosis and atopic dermatitis, chronic pancreatitis, inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) and rheumatoid arthritis has been established.

Can any of these conditions develop in your pet? Yes -- all of them.

Parvo at the 'rescue'.

Selling sick puppies is commonly touted as the MO (modus operandi) of a puppymill. After all, people that actually *cared* about dogs, like a rescue or a responsible breeder, would never sell somebody a sick puppy.

So when you are one of the most prestigious rescues in Chicago, and you sell a sick puppy to Oprah Winfrey, what are you?

Oh, well, in that case, parvo can happen to anyone.

He described PAWS as "lush" and a "closed door boutique shelter," not the kind of place one would automatically link to a contagious canine disease.

But as Rubin said, "this can happen at any shelter, for any reason."

A "boutique shelter"? WTF?

The Spaniel Journal sounded the alarm on Paula Fasseas, founder of PAWS, last year over her involvement in mandatory neuter legislation.

Paula Fasseas, the Founder and Chair of PAWS Chicago, a private and well-funded animal shelter whose policies closely ally it with those of the HSUS, provided much of the venomous breeder-hating language used in this proposed ordinance. In fact, PAWS Chicago�s press release of April 30, 2008, which announced the fine details of the ordinance, predated the City Council�s official release of the ordinance draft to the public by more than two weeks!

NoPitBullBans has a take on the Chicago situation.

As Nathan Winograd in his recently-released book Redemption: The Myth of Pet Overpopulation and the No Kill Revolution in America noted,

“Studies show the primary reasons people do not sterilize their pets are cost and lack of access to spay/neuter services…The higher the cost, the lower the rate of compliance….Punitive legislation will only discourage people from caring for homeless pets or drive disadvantaged people “underground,” making them even harder to reach and help.” (112)

So those “underground” who already aren’t licensing their pets will continue to stay underground, and added to their ranks will be those who, for whatever reason, will not comply with a mandatory spay/neuter ordinance.

Taken a step further, the quality of black market goods is a lot lower than the quality of the same goods on a free market. People who won't comply with neuter laws, or breeder registration etc., will continue to breed, not only to get dogs for unlawful activity, but to supply the black pet market that will, WILL, rise. And those people will be in it ONLY for the money, and the quality will be exactly what you expect.

But then, sick puppies can happen to anyone.